Dressed to Kill — or Dressed to Be Killed?

What predators see, and what we fail to understand.

If you are like me, the parent of a 14-year-old girl who seems to think she is 25 when heading out to meet friends on weekends, then you will understand the concern over how she dresses. Having a career in the field of sexual violence, certain things stand out to me.

But as a father, it is also important for me to balance the concerns I have for my daughter’s wellbeing with understanding the challenges of growing up as an adolescent in an increasingly sexualised culture, driven by fashion, music, and even commercials, and recognising the risks in the city of Daegu where we live.

Between 2018 and 2023, Daegu saw a steep rise in cases of reported sexual violence. This rise is even more disturbing when considered against a declining population. While the number of residents fell by roughly 3.5%, from 2.46 million to 2.37 million, reports of sexual violence increased by over 33%, increasing from 1,278 to 1,706. Adjusted for population, the rate rose from 51.9 to 71.8 cases per 100,000 people, a 38% increase in per capita reporting.

This sharp rise raises important questions. Are we seeing more incidents, or are there improvements in awareness, reporting, and or law enforcement practices? A notable spike in 2022, with 1,850 cases, the highest in six years, may signal a shift, whether social, technological, or institutional.

But for most people, it is not about the data, it is about the risk to them or their families. If you have ever watched wildlife documentaries showing big cats hunting, you will recall how they target the calves or the injured, those least able to defend themselves.

Predatory sex offenders instinctively make similar calculations, and with that in mind, if my daughter is wearing a tight long skirt and high heels, I will not be comfortable. The predator will see someone who cannot kick, cannot run, and is easy to push off balance. The other girl, in sneakers and a short skirt, is light on her feet, she can run, and kick, and these traits will be perceived by the predator as obstacles to an attack.

But let me be clear; I am not suggesting girls in short skirts are safe, or immune from assault. Of course, they are not. So, if we are trying to understand how predators think, there is more to consider.

Can't see the face; but you know the walk...

Have you ever been waiting for a friend, then spotted them from afar. Unable to see their face, but you know it is them, because you know their walk? That is what predators do. Think back to the pride of lions scanning the herd, they all notice the one with the limp. It is in the walk, and it cannot be disguised.

Research shows that people who have experienced sexual assault are at higher risk of further victimisation. This is because they often carry trauma in their walk, in their posture, and in their general demeanour. Most of us will not pick up on it, but predators often do.

That is why, whether you have been a victim or not, one of the best defences is to walk like you own the street. Long strides, arms moving. Confident. Like you are storming off to complain about a school bully attacking your child. Predators see this, and many are put off. Too much hassle!

In fact, Harvard criminology research, supported by interviews with incarcerated violent offenders, confirms this: attackers often avoid those who appear strong and confident, and target those they perceive as vulnerable.

Even after my daughter goes out, I sometimes sit by the window and stare out. She was not really trying to look stylish, she was trying to find her own world, and I need to respect that. But I know enough about this world to know it is not always a kind place, and Korea is part of that world.

It is not enough to simply tell our kids to be careful. We have to help them develop the awareness to assess situations and the mental and physical strength to protect themselves.

Clothes often express the teenage personality, but what truly protects them is a confident walk and an unshaken demeanour. This world is far from perfect, but within it, helping our children walk tall and defend themselves, that is the core duty we all share as parents.

Stay Safe!

The Korean version of this article appeared in the Maeil Shinbun Newspaper (print edition) on 15th May 2025 - [앤서니 헤가티의 범죄 심리-인사이드 아웃] 죽이려고 차려입은 걸까, 죽임을 당하게 차려입은 걸까? - 매일신문